Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Helpful advice

1) If you've got bad news, deliver in the form of a knock knock joke.  Example:  Knock Knock..........Who's there?............You're sister was killed in a car accident.................You're sist.......(interept them and say "the end")

2) If you want to flirt with a girl (not one you just met), make fun of their taste in music.  Everyone loves music and everyone thinks that their opinion is superior to everyone else's.  Plus, girls like it when you are a jerk playfully and its not like you are insulting their religion.  They will try to change your mind by playing you something and you can try to change theirs with some of your own music.  Lookee there, you just had your first date.

3) Don't go to a movie on your first date unless your intentions are less than respectable.  Take them to the park.  take a frisbee, a blanket, and a cooler with dip n' dots.  If you can't have a good time with someone at a park with the aforementioned items, you probably aren't meant to be.

4)Want to better your odds at beer pong? Put Bud Select 55 into your cups.  Their alcohol content is 2.4% whereas as a bud light / miller light etc has 4.2%.  That'll help you shoot a little straighter after about 4 games.

5) If you have a house and you invite a girl over that you like (have emotional feelings for, not just a one night stand), she might ask for a tour of your place.  Show her around, but don't show her your bedroom.  Tell her that it is a mess and you are embarrassed.  She will think you are hiding something or are a gentleman.  Either way, she will want to visit again to figure it out.

6) Brush your teeth in the shower.  It saves time.

7) Don't give someone a book as a present unless they ask for it.  Thats a commitment that they probably didn't want to enter in to.

8) Do some form of exercise everyday.  I know, easier said than done.  Look online for stuff you can do around your living room or even on the couch.  Exercise releases endorphins. that makes you happy. So do other things you do alone, but im not going to talk about that.

9)  When it comes to relationships, "If its broke, don't fix it." I know many of us have a savior complex, but you don't go buy a yugo thinking you can turn it into a maserati.

10) Drink a lot of water everyday. I know you've heard this one before but it really does help.  Plus, if you replace one soda a day with a cup of tap water, you'll save some money.

11) Remember people's names when they introduce themselves.  I can't for the life of me.  But, at the end of the conversation, say "it was really nice to meet you _______."  they remember that.

12) Eat fish or take Omega 3's

13) Just because everyone around you is out to get laid and don't care about people,  remember what it means to be romantic. In the least creepy way possible, think about the respect you would want someone to treat your mother / daughter with.  Open doors, pull out chairs, pick up the tab.  Don't check out other girls that are walking by at dinner.  Most importantly, remember the little things they say. if you can't remember, write it down Remember their favorite musician, artist, actor, place they've always wanted to go, favorite color, favorite animal, favorite store, favorite flower, favorite restaurant etc.  This will come in handy in the future. the next time you run across a giant blue panda that you can record a bill withers song on (assuming thats her favorite color, animal, musician) you will thank me.  They will think you are as corny as they come, but the thought will win you major bonus points