My Epiphany

I had a blinding realization about my purpose in life today.  This is going to require a little background information about myself in order to give you confidence in my ultimate mission.  I hope that none of this is perceived as boastful in any way, but this is how my life has gone thus far.  I went to a Magnet high school. For those of you that don't know about this, it is a public school that requires a certain g.p.a. and test scores.  I graduated Cum Laude and received a scholarship to a state school (which is really not a big deal).  I transferred to another state school from which I received Cum Laude with a B.S. in Psychology. In my last semester, I reconnected with a girl whom I had attended high school with.  We fell in love, as the story goes.  I went back to do some post-grad classes and applied for physical therapy school.  I was accepted, but declined.  I lacked passion for the field.  I continued to take science classes and decided to apply for Vet school.  This is a little tougher to get into than most people would imagine.  The saying is, "those who don't get into vet school go to Med school."  Anyway, I got in on my first attempt, which I should not have considering my scores were much lower than the average. However,  it would have required moving.  My girlfriend of 4 and a half years did not want to move and my grandma was sick.  So, I decided to drop out.  Plus, my brother was going through some really tough times and I felt that I needed to be home with my family and appease my girlfriend at the same time.  As of the last 3 weeks, my girlfriend has left me, my grandma has improved, and my brother has a new girlfriend and does not hang out with me anymore.  I currently work part time as a cashier at a restaurant making $7.50 an hour.  I am also a vet radiologist assistant.  The only reason I am able to live in my duplex is because my grandma owns it and lets me live for free.  I will end up doing manual labor for a living.  I have a negative outlook on life and I drink too much. 
ANYWAY, about that epiphany.  My realization is that I should be giving advice for a living.  The trick is, do exactly the opposite of what I tell you.  It is a guaranteed recipe for success.  Seriously,  ask me a question.  Do the opposite of what I tell you.  If you are not pleased with the result, you can slander my blog all across the internet. I'm certainly not looking for a pep talk or sympathy.  Most of my problems have been a result of my pessimism and lack of self-confidence, but I know how not to live.